


candle light and soul forever

by ElasticElla



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (the canon storyline), Alternate Canon, Angst, F/M, Multi, Post-Break Up, Presumed Accidental Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9258533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla
Summary: It feels like they've just completed their balancing act when Valentine drops the bomb. That Clary and Simon and Jace had finally figured out how to touch one another, how to exist together without imploding.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title from spice girls' 2 become 1 because i have a terrible sense of humor

It feels like they've just completed their balancing act when Valentine drops the bomb. That Clary and Simon and Jace had finally figured out how to touch one another, how to exist together without imploding. 

And then Clary and Jace are siblings, and Clary wants to bleach her mind. 

She feels sick and she can't talk to Izzy, because god they were both his sister. There's only one real option, and she knows it's a terrible one, but she needs him, and he'd never deny her. 

Simon holds her, only her recent knowledge of how his body moves, of how he can easily lift her and Ja- just her-, keeping his touch from being completely platonic. (Or maybe it _is_ and she can't tell. She can't trust herself, can't-) 

Simon holds her, lets her rant and rave about her father, about _it_ without ever saying his name. She falls asleep at some point, they both do. It's a new thing to sleep like this, like they're missing a body, and she forgot how cold Simon is. She just needs to burn twice as warm, pushes away her thoughts. 

He stops her, of course he does with sad eyes and soft words and Clary just wants him to fuck her. Can't stand for Simon to treat her like this, like she was made of glass not sin. The fresh air offers no immediate remedy. She needs a new association, new memories to cover up- 

In the bright sun, she's sick, turns her stomach inside-out. 

.

They kiss, Clary and Simon. They try not to, overly aware of Jace a few streets over, guilt and greed on their lips. They never last more than a few days apart, and Clary never claimed to be good. 

.

It's Izzy that suggests a dna test, surprised none of them had verified Valentine's words with science or magic. There's a bit of hope that Clary tries to squash, she can't go through that again. 

“It's negative,” Izzy declares, and Clary squeezes Simon's hand, relieved. 

It was just a lie. She hadn't been sick, and those studies about family members meeting unexpectedly later in life didn't matter. It was a lie. 

Jace doesn't quite see it the same way. He takes a six month assignment in Alaska, refuses to skype, and sends emails once a month to their whole group. Clary tells herself she shouldn't take it so personally, but that doesn't actually do much- worries prickling under her chest. They feel positively decadent compared to the gut-wrenching sickness of before.

The six month assignment turns into a year, and maybe Clary should have taken that as her sign of how their reunion might go. She still sets up a dinner for the three of them, has to at least try to get them all together again. Even if they're all wildly different versions of themselves, even if none of them are that type of young and hopeful anymore, she's going to try. 

The meal is going well enough, not fantastic but full of looks and questions, and Clary can work with this. Jace doesn't seem like he's going to bolt again, and god, it's nearly a miracle they're all still here and wanting. 

“I've been thinking about this,” Simon starts, and Clary foolishly smiles, thinks she knows the end of his sentence. She thinks he's going to talk about their triad finally being built again, about long odds and love always coming out on top. 

“And I've spoken with Magnus about it. I want you two to be together. Before you-”

“Without you?” Clary interrupts as Jace says, “Dude, _what_?” 

Simon's lips quirk, “I'm going to live forever and you two deserve some normal after everything that's happened.” 

“Simon, I don't want-” Clary starts, can't finish with her throat closing up and tears threatening to fall. This wasn't supposed to be a break up, she thinks, near hysterical. 

“Fuck you,” Jace says, “we finally have the chance and you're out? Screw this.” 

.

There's a bit of fractured space between them all, and no one is surprised when Clary and Simon are mended first. Jace says he needs to get away again, and the rest of the Lightwoods are in Idris. 

They don't date, not officially anyways, there's far too much guilt for that. It almost feels like before, in a bleak satire kind of way and Clary has never felt so old. (It's a jinx, she'll think days later.)

Her and Simon live in each other's pockets, in their own apartment. They've always been each other's best friend first and kissing and sex has always been easy for them. (Not always, Clary amends, but always easier than it should have been.)

Clary dies on a Tuesday, Camille taking her revenge with a wide smile, writing a note in her blood. It's a shitty death, slow and drawn out. Torturous only because she knew it was coming, Camille had guided her hand to light up a pain resistance rune with a dark smile. 

“You mortals have such short lives, I'd hate to deprive you of our note to little Simon. Anything you want to add?” Camille asked. 

Clary was choking on her blood around this point, a laugh forever caught in her throat. She didn't know- Camille didn't know what she and Simon did. 

She frowned when Clary didn't answer, patting her cheek. “There, there darling, you're almost dead. I doubt you'd believe me, but this wasn't about you at all. Simon has a warlock hiding his mother, smart boy.” 

Camille stands, brushing off her dress as she surveys her handiwork. “I think you'll do quite nicely.”

And she flashes out of there as Clary takes her last breath, knowing Simon will find her soon. 

.

Simon doesn't even hesitate to grab a shovel. 

_Anything_ , they'd said once. 

.

Jace doesn't come back after Clary turns. She picked Simon twice, even though there never was supposed to be any choosing. And Clary isn't going to offer him any pretty lies about regret. (Immortality doesn't taste sweet, it tastes like knowing one's true self.)

There's a Jace-shaped hole between them. It's always been there, tangible, and it only grows more-so with time. But Clary still kisses Simon, still licks the blood off his lips. They can't have Jace, but they've always made do with just each other. 

(She feels like Hades, only with the spring Persephone forever lost, and the winter Persephone by her side, on her throne.)

**Author's Note:**

> ([tumblr ^.^](http://bizeke.tumblr.com/))


End file.
